Cold World

In a dim lit trailer watching The Price Is Right on a television that gets little to no reception she wonders. Where could he have gone to so early? He usually doesn't wake up until noon but not on this day. He slipped away from her grasp in the middle of the night, leaving her to rest. As she watches television, her body remains still with a light head of worry blanketing her mind with only one question circling her thoughts. Why?

He's only 15 and sees nothing but a dead end where others see a crossroad. Hope has forgotten him, left this poor boy behind. His mother no longer accepts him as one of her own. She kicked him out after she found out about the pregnancy and the negligence on his part did nothing but make her weak. He no longer listened to her words of wisdom but threw them back at her with each and every breath he could take. His mother only wanted the best for him, but it seems that nothing she did could stop him from doing what he wanted with such selfish callousness. His conviction was strong, his anger even stronger, so what is a mother to do? Her only option was to make him leave, if not for her sanity, but for the sake of the family.

On the night he left his girlfriend at the trailer he approached me for advice, some guidance, but our age difference put me in a bind. I was only 3 years older than he and didn't know if I should put myself in the position of a mentor. Maybe if I did something different. Gave him some advice that would open up this dead end mentality he held so strongly. Maybe the gate would open, the light would shine upon him, rather than being consumed with a shroud of darkness. What could I tell him, that would help ease the pain? I wasn't living a straight path. The best description for the road I was on would be a West Virginia highway. Full of potholes, curves through mountains, and tolls. In order to get where I wanted to go, a fee was paid but that fee was never a guarantee that you wouldn't fall off the highway. Just a guaranteed that you could proceed forward. Should I tell him he should mend his relationship with his mother? I was lost. Trapped in the confines of my wandering mind.

I wanted to help, but the only help I could give was monetary and a shoulder to cry on. He looked up to me, I don't know why, but he did. I could tell him to jump off a bridge and without ever questioning why he would. But now I'm put in a position to help, but feel crippled. Absorbed by my own problems and not ready to take on anymore. To this day, I wish I would of. Maybe he wouldn't of did what he did and for that, I will punish myself forever...